6 Tips to a Successful Marriage

6 Tips to a Successful Marriage

marriage

A marriage is something that is truly delicate; it’s also a HUGE step in a relationship. A lot of people take it without the proper consideration as to what exactly they are getting themselves into. The divorce rate shows exactly what I’m talking about.

My wonderful ex would argue that I should be the last person to discuss ‘successful marriage tips’, and hell, she could be right. I stick with the notion that “what works,” is truly a matter of opinion. We all have an opinion, whether we choose to speak it or not. Those that are silent are that way because life has beaten you down to the point that you become a mime, a mute, and you simply nod your head.

With that idea in mind, that is absolutely no way to live. I’m going to give a crash course of Sean’s own opinion on what can make a marriage work and last, oh yes it will be grand.

A successful marriage relies on factors and concepts, my steady hand will deliver this analysis with surgeon precision and bring you to the depths of hell, I mean happiness.

Marriage Tips that Leave You Feeling Equal!

Try Not to Smile too Much

If you smile too often, you seem ‘too’ happy. Happiness is something that comes round once and a while, and if you abuse the feeling you will forget what it is. Happiness becomes that dirty little secret. If one of you is miserable it’s going to be a target of frustration. “Why the hell are you always so happy?,” go on, deny it, it’s the truth.

The Woman is Never Wrong

As men, we are bound to be the ‘error children’ of the world. We are without depth, and clearly, our life experience does not count. With this in mind a successful marriage is one where the woman can commit no wrong. She is a perfect vessel of knowledge of the greatest caliber.

Men are given the image of a cave man that scratch their ass and doesn’t know how to do anything right. This applies right up until shit hits the fan, then we are supposed to morph into hercules and defend all honor. That is as long as you are respecting ‘space’ and not being over-protective🙂

Her Friends ‘Rock’

Your wife’s friends have to be cooler than yours.

Their stories HAVE to be interesting (yes I know…brutal) and under no circumstance can you be mean to them. They are after all the ‘family’ your woman chooses. A successful marriage means accepting family. When they talk about a trip to Dunkin Donuts and turn it into half hour story where Abu behind the cash register winks at the girl, it becomes a full-fledged romantic story. It starts with a latte and continues to a climax where he proposes and offers a private jet trip to India.

I know, kidding, not everyone that works at Dunkin Donuts is Indian. It’s just a stereotype I’m having fun with. Oh, the romantic story? No, that really happens.

Your Mother-In-Law is an Angel

Again, this is where you might as well get some Vaseline because the friction involved with the insertion of some items can be quite painful. A successful marriage means your mother in law can do no wrong, and anything she does wrong is not of ill will, it is simply a mistake, and probably your fault. Oh, lets not forget that it should always be forgiven.

Oh don’t pay any attention to the financial deficit they have put you in, everything is okay. This fact applies right up until the in-law is beyond the aid of one’s personal abilities at which point they craft excellent plans to improve the situation, starting at naming replacements for your ass to their daughter. Yes, Mother In-Law’s are truly a blessing.

Money is of No Object

You are going to be the entrepreneur of the century cause guess what: men have discovered the secret to growing money trees. We have put into effect what science cannot; we can take a penny and grow dollar bills from the ground.

A successful marriage operates on the principal that you have so much money that you can never spend enough. $200 dress? Sure, throw it in the bag! Who needs rent when you can hang out in an alley wearing that?

Accept you’re a bad driver

A successful marriage means minimal arguing right? Well, no matter what you do when you drive, you suck. It will be an immediate panic attack, and don’t forget, the other driver is always right! Especially if they are a sweet old person.

Don’t get me wrong, I love old people, especially when they are genuine, but guys…your driving becomes impaired over time…my grandfather ran red lights and claimed he’s good to go. He turned into oncoming traffic and considered it to be the signs at fault… As you age… get off the road if you can’t tell the brake pedal from the gas.

A Successful Marriage is Plain and Simple

The truth of the matter is marriage is very difficult. It’s a matter of taking preference and desires and making them clear expectation. Like it or not, marriage is when you decide to ultimately make the big sacrifices, to take a person’s feelings serious enough to make them a top priority.

I absolutely do joke about marriage, but then again, I take very little serious. When you watch your own marriage crash and burn you tend to keep an open mind toward how most of them work in general, but regardless, it doesn’t take away the sour taste in your mouth from having experienced it personally.

Those tips will lead a couple to a successful marriage in days. Don’t hold back the love and fun now, take the step, and with those tips of genuine interest, you will keep that sparkle in her eyes forever.

6 Signs the People You Work With are Full of Shit

work

We all exist in a world where there is a kind of ‘framework’ to just about any living scenario. Whether this is work, relationships, development of any kind of talent, there are always those stages of growing and ‘achieving’. Well, in that framework there are bosses, and my god how most of them are full of complete and total shit, it is amazing.

These are signs the people around you are full of shit:

At work you feel like you are in a Montel Williams or Dr. Phil casting

When you have a boss that will openly discuss their personal life, the real personal stuff, then you know you are in deep shit. This is the person that will openly engage their personal life on the phone all day long, and you will have to sit there and listen to it. It could be about the family dinner they are having this weekend, the problems their son/daughter are having in a given relationship, or whatever.

The issue here is that you have to take your typical stress of a given job and then on top of that dump the fact that half the time you are going to want to strangle this person. Some duct tape and the desire to make someone a real-life piñata could go a long way given this scenario.

The listen to you half-heartedly

This is the person that will always claim that they ‘understand’, but in fact the way they listen to any kind of information always has that “I know, I know” kind of look in their eyes. DING DING DING, this is a bullshit detector bell going off, not only are they an asshole, but they feel like they are the most important person in a given space.

The boss who isn’t the boss

We all know who this person is, and every establishment has one. You have the head boss, probably the person who stays in their office all day long avoiding interaction at all costs, and then you have this person. This is the person who has the stain of shit across their lips because they have kissed so much ass that they feel some part of management has rubbed off on them as a result. They act like the boss, delegate like the boss, but in all truth when it comes down to it, they aren’t anything truly important.

They use the word ‘inconvenient’

This is another way of laying out the fact that they are clearly insensitive. This isn’t to say I feel like a workplace should be filled with guidance counselors and moral support, but more so the fact that in life, shit happens. When shit happens having a little bit of support is never a bad thing. It’s good to know the people around you have your back through thick and thin. When something comes up and an individual refers to it as ‘inconvenient’ the ideal result would be to tell them to go fuck themselves, oh but wait, that would be grounds for termination. Save it for the day you resign, tag it
with an urgent flag.

Employee celebrations/dinners/lunches are taken over by their stories

Yep, anytime one of these comes along you think about the great positive points, which factually is just the food, but you know the tradeoff is hearing them talk throughout the whole god damn thing. You try to cover up their stories by taking bites that are larger then your usual food intake, but the mental security it provides to block out some of the noise makes it all make sense. If a workplace had a real-life boogey man, this thing and its stories are definitely what would compose the beast.

You would prefer to leave a message that you will be out rather then talk to X person

We’ve all experienced it, something comes up in which you can’t make it to work that particular day, but in order to have it excused in an appropriate way you have to talk to ‘X’ person. You cross your fingers at getting the voicemail for the place of employment, hell, miracles happen sometimes right?

It’s a shame, through growing up we learn a lot of skills, but nothing ever prepares us for dealing with some of the people we have to deal with. The mental charades that take place in our mind because of the amount of negativity these kinds of people can bring about is impressive. The only positive things that people like this bring about is the lesson of restraint, and the establishment of mental breaking points.

Luckily, I am my own boss at this point, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be running into this kind of bullshit again sometime in my life. For the people that do, this is my post, my war cry, that I understand what you are going through.

Writer’s Against Writers Carnival

Writer’s Against Writers Carnival 

writer's against writers carnival

I’m putting together a group I’ve decided, writer’s against writers carnival. Spread the word, anyone that is looking for a place to get genuine, professional opinion toward their writing, or just wants a place to converse with like minded individuals, feel free to join up.
You can find the group here:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1506986039514026/

I don’t even care if you are a part of writer’s carnival, life is full of mistakes, this group is to help you overcome it. It will also be a place to help get your blog looked at by other talented individuals, consider it a win-win scenario.

So, to begin with I am going to tackle the whole idea of respect. The universal concept of respect respect is keeping an open mind, debating opinion without personal investment, after all, thoughts are thoughts. Respect is the security of acceptance, accepting who we are, accepting others, having opinions, and expressing them.

Unfortunately, some people, *cough* writer’s carnival *cough*, can’t stand the idea of someone sharing an opinion outside of their own. When one comes around they battle it like it is some horrid disease, the outcome most of the time of making the website stand on the grounds of what I know as communism, they call it a community.

For all you history buffs out there, I’m not too familiar with communism, but I know at some point or another it got its ass kicked. The US stepped in and stomped on it, as an act to ‘re-enact’ history, I stomped on the communism known as writer’s carnival. The result, some support group discussion, what the fuck, really?

When you electronically get your ass kicked the result apparently is creating a support group about bullying. Judging from what I read on it, I’m sure we all yell at carrots, about as much as we all play with zombie dolls, where the hell do they come up with these frames of thinking? I’m going to spark note this shit, adult attention span and all, but you will get the idea of what I mean:

Lets talk about big bad bullies!

So they decided it was important to give dictionary references to what words mean and then give proper examples.

“Opinion: a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.

Example of Opinion: I don’t like carrots because I think they taste funny and I dislike the way the crunch when I bite into them OR Cats are hairy and I don’t like hair because it makes me sneeze. I wish cat owners would keep their animals indoors.

Abuse: to speak insultingly or cruelly to; revile.

Example of Abuse: I hate carrots because they’re stupid, ugly little arses and they are a disgrace to the vegetable family OR Cats are vile, putrid beasts and anyone who owns them is an idiot who deserves to die.”

Well shit, I don’t know about everyone else who read that, but I feel like I might be a little bit stupider as a result. I personally want my brain cells back.

The last time that I saw a documentary-themed ANYTHING on bullying and such I can tell you that the characters in the story were not fucking carrots. They were human beings that could express emotion and show the result of what happens when improper treatment occurs, however, on writer’s carnival, communism being one of the key elements, the character is portrayed as something that is incapable of responding to a given kind of treatment. 

From that point of view it is quite accurate, that is about as dead on as it gets when it comes to being a part of that miserable, horrible site. 

So, back to my group, calling all writers who want to grow and improve:

At Writers Against Writer’s Carnival here is what you can expect:

Opinion will be met with intellect, not oppression. Ideas are discussed and appreciated, not controlled and edited. The ability to thinks and speak for one’s self is an entitlement for anyone that had the ability to draw breath, and in some cases, some of the greatest lessons ever taught come from those who have already passed on.

What this group will be, will be a networking platform for people that want to talk with like-minded individuals. It will be a place to promote blogs, discuss strategy, whether it is around writing strategy, social media approach, blog promotion, personal writing technique, ect.
It will exist as a tool, never a hindrance.

What it will not be: writers carnival. Nice when you have something to reference that can sum it all up in one word. Saves a lot of time.

Feel free to join today, I have end say on who can and can’t be a part of the group, lets me prevent certain people from joining, it’s a safety hazard🙂

Feel free to drop in and become a part of something great.

Banning Anniversary of Writer’s Carnival

banning anniversary

It should be noted that this story is older and doesn’t coincide with the present date. It is, however, amusing, which is why I’m going to host it here. So, without further ado:

Writer’s Carnival Banning Anniversary

I’d love to say what kind of anniversary this is, that would require knowing how long I’ve been banned from the horrid site known as Writer’s Carnival, I don’t. What I do know is that gradually as time passes there are more and more victims coming forward that speak of the pain and hardship that they ran into when trying to be a part of the site.

The common theme: they weren’t a part of the moderation team, so, as a general consensus, the writing they provided sucked. Sorry guys, you guys are bad, lets go write about some fucking zombies, aye? Will get some highlights on that site them, maybe even get member of the month if we dress up like a zombie on Valentines day or Thanksgiving, the hell with Halloween, zombies foreva.

I’m serious.

For beginners, I need to say this, when I critique someone for having an unhealthy obsession with zombie things you have to understand where I am coming from. Romero and me are buddies, well, minus when he is trying to get the zombies to learn (Anisa must be influencing him with how she talks to her zombie dolls that she crafts), but that aside trying to make zombies a part of daily routine is kind of like saying you need to have cotton candy every day, it’s not that it isn’t enjoyable time to time, it’s to say that daily it reaches a great amount of stupidity.

anniversary

I need to watch it, someone from writer’s carnival might read this and take the whole attack on the site this is meant to be and claim I’m racist or something. They are really good at that, taking the solid point of an intellectual attack and basing it around one part of an article🙂

Aside from the constant discussion of zombies I am noticing something else when I scroll through the status updates, it seems like the term ‘ghost town’ has impacted this site. I guess when the truth comes out people get a sense of wonder and feel the need to run like hell, I just cut the ribbon, the rest of the people did what they needed to.

As you scroll through the status updates what you notice is that it is pretty much the same person posting what they are doing during the day. Every other line it is the same person, I’d say it’s desperate, but in a way you have to feel kind of bad. Not really, it’s desperate, and it’s sad. It’s like when a fatal wound is inflicted and someone is staggering their moments to the edge of a cliff, sorry Writer’s Carnival, the truth is a bitch, even more so when it gets out to the public eye.

The cat’s out of the bag, the moderation there:

banning anniversary

That about sums it up. You will believe in every damn thing I have to say or you will have to go elsewhere, “Ya hear me!?”

Yep, I heard you, it’s why your sites population took a dive back to sanity you fucking mental fool.

PS. I am an intellectual person, but I find profanity to sum up so many feelings that it is almost like a spark notes for common day discussion.🙂 Cussing does not make someone stupid unless your name is Anisa.

Where was I a year ago?

On Facebook I got the question: Where was I a year ago on writer’s carnival, that story is going to be a copy paste moment:

I think last year I was going through the process of Anisa trying to convince me to post on that horrid site. I was running my own blog peacefully and along came a drooling beast, I couldn’t understand her very well, things of a lesser intelligence are hard to fully comprehend, but when she supplied a link I decided that it may be worth while to get some separate opinions.
There wasn’t a lot Anisa could explain well, but she made it very clear she loved making zombie dolls and talking to them on a regular basis. Once I bookmarked that in my mind I thoughtfully ignored her to the best of my ability.

Occasionally she would pop up on writing that I would post and would make suggestions that make me think of the mind set I had when I was teaching my son to draw. (discussion for another time)

Often times conversations with her would resemble some of those automated messages you get when you call companies, the difference is at least those messages stood to provide some form of value. The stupidity that would slur from her was a wave of ignorance, the kind of shit that scars the mind forever.

banning anniversary

Lets talk contests. As you can see here there are various trophies, horrible writing conditions, could they be written as a riddle any worse?

ANYTHING GOES (within reason) any genre any theme anyTHING. Should just say “Hell, write whatever you want, it doesn’t matter, we’ve pre-decided whose gonna win this shit. Yo Emmex! You got something written up about a bully? Lets talk about one that gets mean on the internet and how we ban him to save the writing community we gots,” sounds about right. Oh I forgot:

“I know, lets talk definitions and bullying and have the people played out as carrots.”

“That’s fucking brilliant.”

Another thing to notice, you notice that the face in this ad is blue and it has a really weird smile on it? That is because the real thoughts were strangled out of it, as for the picture, it was told to smile or it would have to be replaced. Aka banned.

Somewhere along the top there is a mention about acquiring bragging rights to win a contest here…bragging rights for if you win a contest there. Yes, I said it again, can you imagine that? Is that a reward or a punishment? Can you imagine? You are trying to pitch the idea that you are an accomplished writer:

“I WON A CONTEST ON WRITER’S CARNIVAL”

Publisher you are talking to:

“I’m sorry, but who is that?”

Well, there goes those bragging rights.

You want recognition? Reach out to Huffington Post or an accomplished blogger and guest blog for them. Do something that will actually bring positive attention to your name and writing abilities, do you think a publisher is gonna read a zombie story you put together and go:

Well shit, this site got it right, you are going to the big times. I hear McDonalds is hiring”

You can’t even proudly exclaim that you got some kind of award on this site, it’s name is about as close to truth as truth can be on that site: It is a complete and total fucking circus.

Well, on a good note I feel like I’ve kicked something off that needed to be done, a venture for the truth. Enforcement on the idea of respecting one’s self and understanding talent versus oppression. Any idiot can get hold of a site and run it like a complete and total nazi. The site has crumbled to a community that is left of a few whispers, shit happens.

No hard feelings and what not, oh, that’s with the people I enjoy. You psychotic shits that run the site, you can have it for yourself. By the end of the month it’s going to be Anisa talking zombies and Emmex telling her about her god damn DODO bird.

I’m done, rant over.

If you enjoyed this read about the ban here: http://seanpmonaghan.com/index.php/2016/10/01/writers-carnival-banned/

Writer’s Carnival Banned Me

For beginners, a little back story for those just tuning in. the post I put together, Wheels on Writing, was initially put together as a mockery post for the writer’s carnival website. Prior to posting it there was discussion that my doing so would probably get me banned, turns out my instinct is pretty damn good, I got banned, but for some ridiculous reasons, hence this post.
The funny story that caused the ban can be read by clicking here.

Inside joke really, the catch is the owner of the site apparently had such a die hard urge to get me banned there was some heavy reaching put into effect, so without further ado, the story:

I went to log in and continue to move some of my work off the site, Writer’s Carnival, to find that my username was changed, and my authorship was ended. All my work was still on the site, but given another name, aka, copyright infringement. I immediately stated that I wanted my work off the site and contacted the site owner in a number of ways. After childish redirection of going to “Contact Us” on the website I received an email after writing this:
to: writerscarnival@hotmail.com

To whoever it is that runs this particular email,
My assumption would be that it is you, Anisa, which you couldn’t lack professional etiquette more if you tried. The decision to ban my account that was associated with this email I could care a less about, what I do care about is keeping my work on the site under a name that is not mine, that is copyright infringement.
I want everything associated with my account removed or I will take the proper legal steps to insure it is done and far more complication will come as a result.
I don’t want to waste any more time with this site, there is personal right and wrong, and professional right and wrong, legally, keeping my work without proper authorship and credit associate with it is illegal.
I don’t care about being a part of the site, I care about being professionally wronged, and considering that on a professional level I write for a living, this is a big deal to me.
Personal feelings aside, it’s clear I think the moderation on this site is poorly handled, this is a matter of professional law and etiquette.
Remove everything.

artofrebellionlogo

The response that I received was this:

Sean,

Your accusations are completely, 100% wrong. For starters, your account was deleted because you…

A.) Attacked Writer’s Carnival
B.) Attacked the owner
C.) Attacked the team of volunteers who help behind the scenes
D.) Attacked every single person who uses and enjoys the community
E.) Attacked the special Olympics and its attendees.

So, please, don’t talk to us about ‘Professionalism’.

Writer’s Carnival has been nothing but welcoming and supportive of you from the beginning. We’ve asked you in the past to adhere to the site rules and this, for whatever reason, upset you. You have a blog… Go advertise it like normal bloggers do. I’m quite positive you would not want us on your blog, telling people to head over to Writer’s Carnival every time we visited your blog. Would you?

That escalated, ever after it was suggested to use the Author Notes, so we were still helping you, to you attacking the entire Writer’s Carnival population. And then the Special Olympics.

Your behaviour is entirely inappropriate, uncalled for and unfounded in reason.

You are no longer welcome at Writer’s Carnival.

Still, as a last courtesy, when we deleted your account we temporarily moved your posts to another account in the event you may not have them saved on your computer and would still like a copy.

Why would we still try to help you after everything you’ve done? Because that’s the kind of community we are. We understand how important people’s writing is to them and we will do everything in our power to help them on their journey.

Even you. After the rant you put up and the insults you flung.

So, as a last courtesy… If there is any post you have not saved yet, let us know in a short reply to this email. Short being the operative word.

We will not read anymore of your abusive emails.

If you do not want or need access to those posts any longer… Let us know by simply stating exactly that. That you do not need access to them any longer. Then we will delete them from their temporary holding location.

Goodbye, Sean. We wish you well wherever you end up.

Anisa Irwin
Owner, Operator and Creator of Writer’s Carnival

Let me begin by saying this is how I felt when I read that:
banned

“Aw shieeet, ruined my day”

I posted that story with the full intention of knowing that I was probably going to get banned, the people on that site knew it before I even posted it.

In the past you see great figures who sacrificed themselves for the greater good, my sacrifice was for the greater good, to point out and prove that the site is run by a juvenile brat that can’t stand to hear an opinion outside of their own.

Did I attack the site? Yes. Did I attack the owner of the site? Yes. Did I attack the community? Damn right I did, but what I didn’t do is put down people that live with disability. I am very courteous about people that live and overcome challenges, when you take an entire article and zoom in on one sentence and blow it up, it shows how little your brain is. To take it a step further you started a campaign, tell me, do your outfits look like this:

banned

Except perhaps they have my face on the area where the cross is on this particular coat? 

Seriously though, you really set off on some campaign to shut down the “Sean rebellion.” You must see me as quite the threat to be emailing people demanding they not support my thoughts or leave the site they are a part of. This is an email the site owner of Writer’s Carnival sent to another member on the site, I will copy and paste it exactly for what it states:

“Olivia,

Just a heads up about members who are sharing Sean’s post ‘Wheels on Writing’…

I could care less about the WC aspect, and that’s the truth, but what concerns me is his comment regarding the special Olympics.  I can only assume you missed the statement, as I did as well on my first read through, but what he said is so rude and beyond comprehension that I cannot support it any way, shape or form.

I respect those Olympians and the challenges they have gone through to get where they are today.  It’s amazing and inspiring.  And to see him make them the butt end of a joke… It’s not fair.

So, we’re asking anyone who is sharing that garbage to no longer be associated with Writer’s Carnival.  I saw that you shared it from his blog…

I have a lot of friends who have children who would be truly insulted by what he said because they fit into that spectrum.  I know a lot of people who would be insulted by that kind of demoralizing comment.  People who have disabilities or conditions should never be subject to ridicule like that.  We have to come together as people to protect one another and I believe that he’s completely out of line making fun of the special Olympics.

So, again, maybe you didn’t notice his comment, but if you did then please unassociate yourself with this site.

Thanks, and even if you don’t like the site, I’m sure you can understand where I’m coming from here.

Anisa”

Have you ever read an email that seeped so much bullshit that you had to run and get a towel before it got on the floor? I sure did, it’s above me shitting on these words I’m typing. “Help!”

banned

You told her Anisa! So bad that she came and sent me the email after. 

The more insulting factor of this is that Olivia, my friend (AKA the whole sharing the email thing with me) actually has children that struggle with some disabilities, Olivia knows how i feel about these kinds of things, and knows me as a person.  Call me crazy, but when you try to get someone to agree with where you are coming from, outside of gangster movies and beating people up to get them into silence, normally civil discussion works. The whole “Agree with me or you are banned.” thing is kind of proving the point that you are an asshole.

You see, I am an asshole and if I have something to say, I say it. Unlike you, someone that whispers in the fucking dark hoping someone will listen to your psychotic babble, I speak my mind and should people not like what I have to say, I say “shit, we don’t agree, let’s move forward”

Quite the campaign: listen to me or I will ban you! Get some guts and see if people can simply agree with the shit you have to say, instead you act like someone that is hiding under a fucking rock whispering things in the wind. When you run a site like some rabid troll that studied nazi films what you end up with is none other than: Writer’s Carnival.

Additionally, when you whisper dirty lies it can lead to what’s called defamation of character, I’d pursue it but I deal with enough idiots on a regular basis that you simply are not worth my time. See, I simply have to post what you are doing and the general consensus can be reached: that you make the Paina character in wheels on writing more alive then ever. Get it?

The butt end of the joke

The “butt” end of the joke, as you put it, was not the special Olympics, it was you, and your inability to run a site in an effective manner without controlling how people “should” feel and “should” think. It appears everyone got that except for the person who had their head buried way too far up their own ass. Then again, when you can’t outsmart someone I guess making up assumptions and stories is the second most effective approach.

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“Where did my mind go?”–Good question

Over the months I’ve watched great writers, the one I will mention is Eric, that have hit the ground running to get away from that shit hole site. I received my first 48 hour ban when I called you a nazi for speaking down to Eric, you sure taught me a lesson! Who boy, you sure did.

The beautiful thing about the Internet and this space on the Internet is I can say whatever I want and you can’t ban me, this is my word, my thoughts, and the truth can be a real bitch. I respect intelligence, I can debate personal opinion, I despise ignorance and stupidity.

Given the way you act your medicine cabinet must look like the fucking rainbow, a pill of every color. You’d need them to keep up with you million different personalities. Go back to composing your fucking zombie dolls, the viva la revolution against Sean isn’t working out for you.

banned

Lastly, you mention you were going to publish my work like I should clap and do a cartwheel. Any idiot with a wallet can get published. Published doesn’t mean talent, and with you evaluating my talent, it sure as hell doesn’t mean talent.

I found it funny how in the initial comments for “Wheels on Writing” you rolled a bunch of names off of people that I got along with and then squeezed your name in there, as people that support my writing. I guess you really do go out of your way to fit in, I’d imagine you’d have to when your editing crew is the zombie dolls that line your windowsills.

Since joining Writer’s Carnival the experience you personally have given me would be the equivalent of a disease you return to the Emergency room to 3-4 times to cure. I should mention that I don’t mean an STD, that would hint that at some previous time there would be a feeling of pleasure of some sort or another, nope, with Writer’s Carnival that is certainly not the case. The experience you delivered was more along the lines of brain hemorrhage or something really terminal. Yeah, all in all, your presence sucks.

So, with all being said, I’m banned, I’m at peace, and if it means never hearing from you again, then I guess I’m one step closer to believing in a god.

Getting the truth out there is very important to me, what can I say, I’m honest.

Writer’s Carnival-Wheels on Writing

This was written a while back. This is a tribute to writer’s carnival, a little something I put together for a laugh, and yes, I believe it to be funny. This is my personal experience with it told via fiction:

Fun fact: this story got me banned from the website.

Wheels On Writing

It was another Friday night, Paina was at the computer typing away, doing what it did best, trolling. Paina was literally a troll, but that term, Internet troll, it’s the real deal, trolls “troll” on the Internet.

“Sup Paina”

“Hey Sean, same old, yelling at people who dare express an opinion, it’s my way or the highway, you know how it is.”

“Absolutely, how’s the editing team?”

To this Paina looked at his windowsills lined with the trolls with random hairstyles,

“Oh, they are great. Matter a fact they never critique my writing at all, that silence is the equivalent of a thumbs up, right guys?”

Silence.

“See what I mean?”

I shook my head. The truth was the truth.

“How’s the website going?”

“Great, great. The community was going a little quiet so I decided to kick off this thing where they can earn a little icon next to their name if they try to put together a story about a horror topic, the catch is I’m going to limit the length to 2,000 words and then I’m going to get all the regulars to critique about how the story isn’t in depth enough, but hey, it’s for an icon next to their user name, cool huh?”

“Sounds like a great idea, best of luck, how did my poem do in the last contest?”

“Ah, it was well written, very emotional and in-depth, but this guy Frank put one together about a butterfly flapping its wings on a sunny day, he’s definitely getting first place. You can always join in on contests in the near future. ”

“Thanks Paina, I think I will pass, best of luck with the editing team.”

The Dream Team

My name is Sean, and I’m a writer. I strive to drive emotion in the most complicated ways possible, I think fast, I think swift, and I love to paint pictures with words. I’m also one half of the internet site run by his truly, Paina, we host a site that offers the opportunity to create a gathering of writers, and help them grow to their greatest potential. We called it “Wheels on Writing”, it’s kind of like the special Olympics, regardless of personal skill, everyone has the opportunity to compete here.

I used to write to vent, now I write because it is a way to make a living. It went from me trying to sound clever, to suddenly being students at a number of different schools and becoming an expert in a bunch of shit that I truly could care a less about. Want real estate done? You got it, investing? Sure, a paper about some painter that died 30 years ago? I’m your man. Ballerina? Fuck you, go write your own dance article, I got limits and my skill is endless.

Paina

Paina was my roommate, Paina was also someone that had some money and could get just about anything published, not because he had skill, but because enough money will get any given piece of writing the opportunity to get in print. It doesn’t mean it will be successful, but it is a great way to claim one’s self as a published writer. We’ve been running the site for a while now.

I found Paina one day at the library jumping on a million forums and yelling at everyone in a way that made a two year old tantrum look like a modified intellectual in today’s world, naturally seeing how incapable he was of hearing other people’s opinions the first thought that came to mind was that he should help me moderate a site, this was the birth of “Wheels on Writing”, we made all writing dreams have the opportunity of coming true.

We were a team, at least I thought we were, up until I saw he banned me…banned me….WTF I’m half the team!
So yeah, I went to log on, but I was banned…what the fuck?

“Yo Paina, what the fuck is this dude? Why am I banned from our wesite?

“Sean, my man, it’s temporary. Ya see, in the status updates you tried to promote your own personal blog, that’s just completely not acceptable. Gotta be more subtle, ya heard me? Put that shit in the author notes, this is all about Wheels on Writing, rolling to the fuckin future. We gonna bring this community to the top heights of writing, look at this mother fucker, he got 10 badges, I mean icons, he’s a lifer fo’ sho”

I was silent…

“You really banned me for trying to get a few more people to check out my blog? It’s not that big of a deal…”

“Sean, yes it is. In status updates people want to hear about who you are eating dinner with, and whether you are playing Frisbee in the afternoon with Timmy or your dog that is blind in one eye, ya feel me?

“….”

“I think I a going to take a break for a while from the site…maybe focus on some of my professional avenues”

“Take all the time you need my man, we are here waiting for you whenever you wanna come back or get some opinions on your writing. It aint gonna be the same without ya for a bit, will make do. Oh shit look, someone wrote about a leaf blowing threw the air, we gotta feature that shit, it’s poetic!”

And that is the story about when I was half of a website and I chose to walk away for a bit and pursue some of my own personal developments. I took some time to look into writing projects, handled quite a few, developed a solid name for myself in a number of areas, and was really enjoying my own kind of work for a while there.

After a bit I missed a few members of the community, but luckily I was kept informed about the million badge opportunities that became available on a near daily basis due to email updates. Fuck trying to turn them things off, no matter what you do they find a way of jumping over your spam folder right to the top of urgent messages.

I logged onto the site, appears that I had been unbanned after discussing with Paina that I understood the rules and regulation, and decided to read one of the new posts on the site. Unfortunately, all I had the chance to see was one member’s comment because the rest of the page was badges that they had earned, I looked at who it was, Frank, the butterfly poet. Apparently he had become the poster boy for this site and written several different poems about nature, not much about rain though, that would be dark and unappealing for visitors of the site.
I clicked on the ‘contest’ tab to check out what was currently going on, and I had to hand it to Paina, the man had a plan.

Contests Cilpabooza

There were like 30 contests, none of them had any rational thought behind them, but bet your ass they were going on. I looked at the one and it read:

“Write a story in 100 words about a scary night terror”

Naturally, being a dark theme, I had to join in on this one, the problem was that when I described my character breathing and taking a step in the dark I had run out of available words to use. I took a different approach, I said fuck it, I typed one fucking word: Boo

The online response was fucking insane:

“Brilliant!”
“Great fucking writing man, you put a lot of thought behind this”
“You gave me the chills, I was laying in bed reading and decided to check up on the site, and just wow, you’re talented”

I think my jaw fell to the fucking floor. Were these people serious? Boo was brilliant? Fucking Boo? I’d hate to type the word “Growl” they might fucking piss themselves.

Then, lo and behold, captain Frank himself commented:

“This is a great story. It could use a little more depth though. Maybe explain why the word Boo came into play, a little background about what the person knows about the word”
So, I responded:
“I have to keep it under 100 words though, I didn’t want to get too complicated”
response:
“Good point, you did an excellent job, keep up the good work.”

Fuck me…what had happened to this site that had so much talent on it? I began to look through the members at one time I had conversed with a lot and it seems many of them had jumped ship. I didn’t blame them, I went into the room where Paina was and decided to talk to him.

“Paina, what the fuck happened to the site man?”
“Sean, my man, the site is off the hook. You seen these badges? People are going fuckin nuts, they love it. Subscriptions are going crazy, I think I’m gonna charge double the expense on this site next year with the sales pitch: double the price, double the badges. People will do it, they love these things, it’s a community of great feeling”

“Paina, the writing quality is going to hell, half these people don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground”

“Sean, they just learning brotha, everyone gotta start somewhere. And my man Frank here, he is going to the top. He’s got every badge I’ve ever posted to earn”

“I noticed, the computer screen freezes when his profile pops up, he’s quite accomplished”

“Sean, you got no idea. This boy got talent, look at this line of poetry he wrote:
The leaf is brown, Life has it’s ups and downs, but I won’t frown, I live in town”

Speechless…again….what could I say to that horrid shit?
“It’s bad Paina, really bad”

“You are too negative for this site okay Sean? Maybe your own blog is the way to go, this is about a supportive community. You can rejoin us anytime you want. We are having a virtual pizza party on Friday at 8, feel free to drop in, don’t forget about us”

I walked away, a site that I loved went to shit. It was run by a fool whose priorities were fucking lost, but I made the most of it. I reached out to the people that were great to talk to, the rest, I will watch from a distance as it falls apart.

I’m Guilty of Judging People

I’m Guilty of Judging People 

Call me an asshole, I call it strict policy of honesty. After all, if you can’t be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with?

Anyways, yes, I’m guilty of judging people, I really am, but so is everyone. Anyone that takes the time to actually think about what they are saying, and then actually comes out and says “I don’t judge people”, Is full of shit. We are all guilty of setting up a pre-determination of people, whether you are looking across the mall and seeing how someone behaves, or reading an email or article (such as this) there is always a spark of natural intellect where people begin to build an opinion, and bad news, that’s life. If you can’t handle life, I hear there are quite a few ways to check out early, not that I would encourage that, unless you are one of the people that just truly suck, then by all means, provide the world a small mercy, it would be appreciated.

You know those people who kind of keep to themselves and always seem to have a way to judge people quickly, without taking the time to get to know them? They seem pretty ignorant huh? Well, news flash, I could be there spokesperson, because hell, I do it all the time.

The fact is I’ve gotten through enough years of life to rely on instinct and observation, and I’ve grown to a point to accept a few things about life, and people.

1. If you look like a dick, chances are, you are probably a dick.
2. Dressing in a way to bring eyes to you may get you attention, but it wont get you respect.
3. The way you compose yourself and act creates a judgment that never goes away. First impressions are forever.
4. Pretending is stupid—be yourself, it will show eventually anyway.

Yep—I like to judge, and I judge very, very hard. For the simple fact that I believe in things in this way—Life is what you make it, and who you bring into and involve in your life should be a fairly small number.

I’d rather have a few close knit friends and a bundle of trust, then a bunch of people that I can claim I’ve been around before who truly don’t give a shit about me. I constantly see people on this die hard mission to be everyones friend and be liked by everyone, takes way too much effort, for me, better to find a few worth the time, the rest, sorry, don’t care.

To Judge—The Evaluation of People

So there are a lot of things that draw attention, I’m going to label and analyze a few for the purpose of simple amusement, but education as well.

judging
The ‘thug’– All right, now let me explain something. If you live in a tough city area and you develop a tough exterior, and a physical psyche that makes you hard to intimidate, by all means, carry on. If you live in the suburbs, in a half a million dollar house, have all your ‘needs’ bought from mommy and daddy, and attempt the thug life…well you know how you hear about suicides and people jumping off bridges? Look into where they did it, and join them.

Tilting your hat sideways and taking up a persona on account you like rap music is something that has plagued society. It’s like a new breed of retardation hit the public eye and the government simply kept it under wraps. 2 Pac runs around screaming about respect and loyalty, gets shot, and suddenly people from then on were like “Imma a thug for realz”, no, you’re not. People who consider themselves to be thugs are morons, and there isn’t a more annoying thing to run into.

judging

The girl who goes out of her way for attention– We have all dealt with this phenomena, whether you are the poor bastard trying to manage the girl, or the friend who tries to convince her she is drawing bad attention to herself. We all know her as the girl who loves attention, when in fact is she is either a full on bimbo or just plain stupid.

“I don’t get what they are looking at, it’s just a shirt”, yeah, maybe from when she was about 8 years old. As we grow our clothing is meant to grow with us, when you can no longer shop in the baby aisle of various clothing outlets, sad as it may seem, it is time to move to the teenager section.

I don’t know what grants a bigger headache, listening to this person talk about how no one respects them, or the 300 pound white dude that claims they are going to be the next Big Pun.

judging
The know-it-all– Ever have a conversation with someone who seems to have the world encyclopedia in their head? While this is a reference of figurative imagination, it truly is how they act. You could be talking about a scandal that happened in Brazil in one of the very remote towns and they will pretend like they know all about it.

If there is one label that I can potentially own better than most, this would be the one affiliated with yours truly. The fact is, I try to keep an awareness of what is going on around me, but there is a fine line between being knowledgable and acting like you know it all. I try to keep well within the lines of this boundary🙂

One, It’s okay to be receptive once and a while and seem interested in a another’s thoughts and opinions, and two, people like this make you want to duct tape their mouth so that you can enjoy the sound of a breeze once and a while.

judging
The ‘Player’– Ding Ding Ding here comes the dickmobile. Last stop, the player: The person who feels they can have all and have to respect no one. This can be male or female even though it has been based more around the male persona. The player is someone who has no respect for feelings or emotions and are not only assholes, they are insecure.

They are the same people that when discovered will cry about being alone and how they don’t know how to be loved, pathetic. Replacing internal pain with selfish behavior, dick or whore, could be either, but all together, pieces of shit.

judging
• The person with their hand always out– This is the person who is always asking for favors and help, yet, never has the time when you need the favor returned. These people are easy to judge, and easy to dislike. We live in a world of give and return, if you just take, take, take, you are marked annoying and a pain in the ass.

Don’t get me wrong, we all hit times of hardship, but the people who refuse to try and stand on their own just drive me nuts. I see people with families doing everything they can to make ends meet, the challenge to push on being difficult, but met with a care to do better. The people who always have their hand out have given up, and sorry, but when you give up on yourself, that makes you a loser.
I call these the ‘litter of society’ as well as the majority of the population. Pretend and tell yourself otherwise, I suppose it’s healthier, but, I’m unhealthy.
To judge is to be

Like it or not, judgment is a part of life, it’s part of what makes us, us, and what composes our values. By accurately taking in what is around us it gives us a standard of how to behave, and what to expect. It is the very development of our common instinct.

For another amusing read consider clicking here.

Wegmans is a Terrible Place to Work

Wegmans- A Great Place to Work, Really?

wegmans

If you are at all like myself, the retail world is something you’ve been in and out of every other year. In and out of partly because you know to take appropriate mental breaks; from the horrible wage, the customers not worth the wage, and the managers that pretend to care about your well-being, but more importantly, because you always hold yourself in that ‘light’ of having the potential to do much more with yourself. Hence, you continue a journey for a ‘great place to work’.

Again, don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with working retail if that is what you do for a living, you get into the right position and it’s not so bad, but at the bottom of the chain, you might as well slap a chain on and start singing, because it feels damn near close to slavery.

Wegmans is considered one of the top 100 companies to work for, really? Their slogan ‘Wegmans, a great place to work’ I have personally experienced their charade, and I don’t have much positive to say about them, but I’m going to say it anyway. They base the very cornerstone of their company on ‘Values’ and god do you ever get sick of hearing them, primarily because no one truly follows them. It’s one thing to preach for a common purpose and goal, and it’s another to try and get another voice in my head, I’m full up on opinions and voices that scream inside, hard enough to get them to quiet down when I want them to.

Wegmans and its Legendary Values

If you ever have a manager, who has been demoted by the corporate strands of a company, talk to you about ‘company values’, it is code name for “you have the potential to ruin my ass” Which is what I got from my Produce manager on a near regular basis. This is yet another essence of this being a great place to work. Anytime a full-time position became available I was told how other people had more potential at the given time, and by potential, it means that their heads were buried so far up management’s ass they had a permanent glossy brown color along the ridges of their lips.

Back to these concepts of values, the driven message of the company is to pretty much love thy customer and do everything you can for them, but then, they go the extra mile of essentially saying Wegman’s employees come first, because if they don’t feel happy, they can’t provide good customer service.

Oh my, If there was ever a statement that claimed ‘welcome to hell, this is work in retail, be happy knowing your manager makes 70 grand a year, meanwhile, they found hiring me at $9.00 an hour to be a hell of an increase on labor hours for the week’

To further this analysis, I understand, retail operations use employees as they need them based on business needs. It’s a common ratio of supply, demand, estimated goods sold, and estimated man-power needed to run the operation efficiently.

I’m fully aware of the mathematical perception, I also know if you go from feeding an employee 30-35 hours a week, and then drop him down to 12-15 once business slows down a bit, he won’t be very happy with you. Well, this was one of Wegmans mottos; apparently they left it out of the hand-book. Essentially they treated you like a pimp, when things were busy you got used, when business slowed down, you got put on the shelf. Ah, such a great place to work.

Dramatic Virtues

Working within the Wegmans environment is very much like sitting down with a table of pregnant women, it’s like a slew of problems unleashed by uncontrollable hormones that lead you to having a damn near panic attack. The people who work there that last operate on a level of professionalism that I will label as ‘High School’, on account of the following:

•You like gossip
•You have no real true care about your own dignity, and you live for drama.

From the moment you walk in the door it’s almost like a game has been set off toward who can be the largest tattle tale. I lost count of the times people had mentioned things I had ‘done’, which led to ‘pure denial’ on my behalf simply as an act of trying to get ‘promoted’.

The people who remained worked with the capabilities of keeping their balls intact, I will refer to both of these people by name, Steve and Vinnie, and it is an ongoing battle.

Vinnie is gunned for on a nearly regular basis on account that he doesn’t kiss ass, the part about it that should be a human resource dream war: Diabetes has claimed over half of Vinnie’s foot, yet the audacity is put forth in my proud produce department to complain that he doesn’t work fast enough.

Have they lost their damn minds? Nope, they have simply been shitheads all along. This is further validated by the fact I know now that Vinnie has been fired.

Yet another example as to why it’s such a ‘great place to work’. As for you Steve, you have been placed in the range of what I call an abused mental patient, because the shit you have to pretend to enjoy upon arriving there is enough to make a grown man cry.

Favoritism- A Great Place to Work With the Right Blend

The assistant manager of my particular location may have written the concept on being a fake piece of shit. While he took several man hours pretending to be nice, his real goal, as a grown man, was to be buddies with all the young teenage girls of the department, which among discussion with my peers: several found to be creepy, but what was creepier was the fact that we all pegged him to be a homo from the beginning. The way he talks is very similar to taking the male anatomy, taking a very strong rope, tying it to the anatomy, and yanking is hard as you possibly can. The high pitched yelp that is released once this is done is the pitch level of a voice this particular individual had.

When he wasn’t stalking people half his age around the department trying to seem like he was hot shit, he was attempted to be bossy with the other workers, which much to his disadvantage never got him very far. He was very easy to ignore.

Wegmans- A Great Place to Work? I think not

Wegmans has all the common concepts of your basic retail store, the problem is they are generated into a cult like perception point and distributed among the employees. The place is entirely based on kissing ass, which mwww.deviantart.com/submit/devi… retail tends to lean that way sadly, but this is a bit above and beyond the ‘natural’ idea of kissing ass. Unless someone has truly experienced it, they wouldn’t understand.

The company itself continues to go to hell on account of carrying value that appeal to pretty much no one, and being run further into the ground by a management staff that couldn’t find their way out of a basement. The room for intellectual growth in the management systems stays in the higher ranks of the company, with good reason. The people you run into in a majority of stores may seem awful nice, but underneath it all, if they are wearing the tag of a manager, they are an ass-kissing moron who is about as enjoyable to talk to as getting a shot at the doctor. Find another place to shop, there are plenty of options.

Online Shopping Exists because Men Hate Shopping

Online Shopping Exists because Men Hate Shopping

online shopping

This is a story that was written years ago, but still holds the value of humor inside it.

Online shopping was developed based on the universal opinion of men toward the idea of shopping. Don’t believe me? I’m typing this as I’m sitting in the Target café as my wife and son parade around the aisles, did I want to walk around this preview of what my hellish afterlife is going to be? Absolutely not.

I can completely picture it, my afterlife is going to be the door of Walmart, open-wide with a broken, blinkin ‘open 24/7’ neon sign, and every single employee, (greeters included, yes in this story they are being given the credit as an addition to the workforce), is going to be a screaming, throwing a fit, 3 year old child. It will be an emotional breakdown a day, repeated multiple times, that is my eternal damnation, but until I meet it, I don’t need any previews.

Anyway, back to topic, online shopping was an intelligent design created for the sole purpose of keeping men out of stores, why?, because we hate it. There is no middle ground, no man likes to shop, it grants us no pleasure. If a man tries to tell you otherwise, he’s either playing ball on both sides of the field, or he has one hell of an interesting history that he hasn’t told you about, and yes, I mean a sex change.

Retail stores came across the concept that by forcing men in a store for longer than we can tolerate often times it would lead to us walking out, our wives getting nothing, and a fight that leads to no shopping experience for a time to come. Their resolution, E-Commerce. Very, very clever.

online shopping

The Birth of E-Commerce

For a slightly increased price range on products you are given the choice to stay home away from a place that would cause most men genuine aggravation.

Cons

-Wife can’t see product, return possible
-Return to store, absolutely not. Give me a mailing address

That’s about the only con, the pro’s, I would list them, but I’m in no mood to write a novel. More-so a helpful review that can possibly save the minds of our generation of the hard-working man.

Online shopping was put into effect for us, women, please, please, learn to use it more effectively. If you are a woman and are offended by this, I don’t care. It is not my fault the generic label has fallen upon you for loving to shop, you earned that shit, you’ve never seen a man skipping into a Walmart, and nope Ray Ray the happy homosexual doesn’t count as a man. He stands for undecided, and no, I don’t care about sexual preference.

The Growing Pains of Retail Shopping

The time that retail shopping hits the truest point of the ‘gates of hell’ is when the clothing section comes into our view. When it is visibly in our grasp men of the strongest mental fortitude have a panic attack, because we know we are about to be put into a position where we are going to have to give true ‘opinion’ on women clothing.

Now, women, you may think this is ‘helpful’ from your point of view. From ours, within certain respect of ‘common sense’, we don’t care what you wear. We care in the sense that, as our woman, we expect you to not look like you belong on a street corner turning tricks, but outside of that, you could be wearing just about anything and will say “it looks fine, what’s the price” If you are looking for something more than that, the next time you will either have to:

-Bring your girlfriends, who suggest the dumbest clothing choices available to mankind, hell, that’s what receipts are for (another creation made first for men, women stole it from us)
– Bring your gay friend Sebastian (just making up a name here, nothing against anyone with that name)

I should also note, again, nothing against sexual preference either, I could care a less how you live, I just respect the notion of ‘conservative love’, love whoever the hell you want. Style wise, women and fags, men personally don’t give a shit, pass us a toga and some sandals, not our fault that history decided to label this unacceptable.

Men and Retail Shopping

Back to shopping:

Online shopping got put into development when men went to a new level of extreme, we would act in ways of pure ‘embarrassment’, with a singular purpose, to get the hell out of a store.

I recall running up and down aisles like I had a mental deficiency one time in Walmart, after they clarified I wasn’t an employee but a shopper, my wife became furious and stated it was time to go. As you can imagine, it broke my heart.

Online shopping is one of those things that grants the best of both worlds, and yes, men and women live in different worlds, but share a plane of ‘existence’. Online shopping allows the woman to become absorbed in items she feels she is deserving of, and gives the man the opportunity to express poetically from the couch the fact that he has no desire to buy it at the given time.

online shopping

Feel Good Shopping

What? Yeah, I don’t get it either, shopping for the concept of feeling good. Don’t get me wrong, I like gifts as much as the next person, I just prefer putting it toward something that actually makes me ‘feel good’, not promote me to hate life more. It’s like:

“Hey I feel depressed want to do something about it?”

“Sure, what did you have in mind?”

“How about we go shopping?!”

Wait…What?

What just happened?

As men, when we hear that statement, it is as if our loving, adoring woman sense our inner pain, the knife that resides within us, and decides with that inner thought “I’m gonna twist that son of bitch”, oh and twist she does.

If we are in the dumps our idea of shopping is either alcohol, or items that can provide a similar feeling, and that is as much disclosure as I will give toward that topic. After all, secrets are always more fun spelled out.

A Closing Statement 

Online shopping was made for us men, it can’t be debated. It isn’t about convenience for shoppers worldwide, it’s the fact that as men we are willing to raise pure hell to not endure the pain involved with retail shopping. It simply requires too much patience. As men we may may be creatures that lack patience, we have the intelligence to know we don’t belong there.

Shopping sucks, it’s a curse that can rip apart the most durable soul.