What Falling in Love Means to a Man

What Falling in Love Means to a Man

falling in love

This is an older post of mine, one that I have no intention of editing, but I will post it as an as-is kind of thing. It’s about love, and what love means from the male perspective. This is what falling in love means to a man.

What Falling in Love Means to a Man

Love is one of those things that falls under such heavy analysis that everyone has a different definition for it, yet nobody understands it. Women have a definition, men have a definition, both sides are equally wrong, yet both has concepts that can be agreed upon, such as, love drives us all to a stage of crazy. It breaks us out of a comfort zone and places emotions and feelings in the hands of another, and lets face it, there is no scarier feeling then the idea of someone else having control over what we feel.

There is a reason that most relationships don’t work out, the fear gets the best of us, boundaries are set that are borderline impossible to respect, or one side is simply more juvenile than the other. Whatever the case may be, love is a pain in the ass, yet something that we all search so hard to feel.

A lot of men get criticized for not ‘loving’ enough, or not ‘caring’ enough, and that is the confusing piece of emotion I am going to attempt to explain. The factors of what it means to a man to fall in love.

The Myth of Being ‘Over-Protective’

We have all heard about the guy that is deemed over-protective, hell, I’m one of them. I am a piece of the myth, but the fact is, we are over-protective because we give a shit. You hear the stories about the girl who goes “My man lets me do anything I want, we both have our own separate lives, and then we have each other”

BEEP BEEP BEEP

Immediately what you can take from this is that the guy does not give a shit, want to know why? When a guy loves a girl he wants to share days, he wants to share time, and in one way or another compromise is developed that lead you both to have your separate interests and hobbies, but separate lives is a different thing all together.

A man is meant to be protective, think about the dog mentality, loyalty and protective. If a man cares about a woman the one thing that you can give us credit for is the fact that we will rip the head off of anything that threatens her. Whether the woman is in the right or wrong of a given moment, that very moment the man will defend her and challenge anyone who says otherwise. You know a man loves you when he is willing to stick his neck out for you regardless of the cause. If he lets you fight your own battles and wants nothing to do with your drama, you don’t mean a damn thing to him.

The Possessive Theory

Men get deemed possessive when they begin to explain boundaries, and this is another concept that gets on my nerves. When two people get to know one another it is normally a pretty quick trip to find the pet peeves and the things one another won’t stand for. When you fast-forward a year into a relationship it isn’t going to magically change, but often times one side or the other is supposed to be ‘accepting’ to change. I don’t agree.

When a man puts full claims to what he doesn’t like, people he doesn’t like, and things that he doesn’t want you to be out and about doing, it is because WE CARE. Don’t believe me? Push the board enough times, experience enough fights about particular topics, and watch when we suddenly don’t give a damn about what you do with your social outings. The second we stop giving a damn it’s because we’ve given up on trying to encourage you to care about the balance of feelings in the relationship, and are essentially preparing ourselves and protecting our heart.

The Close Guy Friend

Men don’t like guys that make a point of being a close friend to our women. Now, if we were all in the same social circle and knew each other all along, that is one thing, and even that comes with its set of hesitancy and potential for disaster, but in the event it is someone who is met somewhere along the way, that is a breach of comfort of another level entirely.

We don’t trust the guy friend, the guy friend almost never has genuine intentions in mind. Sure, there are guys that can be friends and have that close friendship interest and nothing more, but it is rare. If the girl is attractive and the guy is her friend and he is given the opportunity to try and make it something more, chances are he will. Guys have an internal radar about us, and we can also see through the glamour of ‘Mr. nice guy’ and see in his place, captain douche bag.

It is often claimed as jealousy, when in fact we are simply protecting what we claim as ours. Before that is labeled as ‘possessive’ and debated as “no one belongs to anyone”, when a guy gives a girl his heart, he is owning that he belongs to her in a level of affection, romance, and care. It is a mutual agreement. Before you get all ‘self-empowerment’ on me, shut up, you know what I mean, I’m simply stating what most people fear admitting.

The Odd Nights Out

As mentioned in another post by me, the reasons a man doesn’t like his woman going out without him, it all rings true. Men don’t like their women going out without them because its simply an invitation to problem. When you commit and you truly take the step to the boundaries of love, with it come certain expectations and sacrifices. One of these things is the late nights out alone shouldn’t really be an option.

Before you rant and rave, if it matters, don’t claim love. Claim you are together, that you have fun, but love hasn’t come into the picture yet. So many people throw the word love around but don’t have a damn clue what it means. Love is sacrifice, plain and simple. Falling in love is the ultimate vulnerability. Falling in love means that you are making yourself available to get hurt, and no one likes to get hurt.

When Love is Broken

When a man falls in love he takes the tough bravado of himself and opens a new door to himself, one that he only lets particular people into. It’s a step of ultimate vulnerability, but falling in love is exactly that: vulnerability.

When the love between a man and woman gets abused, it can rarely be repaired. I’m speaking from the viewpoint of a man, a woman’s would be different, but for men, getting over hurt is an entirely different battle that many of us never truly achieve.

Think about a dog that you have at home that is loyal and loving and you scold it for things that it didn’t do. You see confusion in its eyes, you see uncertainty, but still underneath it all there is that loyalty that hangs strong and doesn’t fall away.

To a man the very same can be said about trust, if we love you we will be loyal, we will take on the world before letting you feel discomfort and pain, but the moment that love and loyalty is abused and ignored we become broken men. That level of trust and care may still be there underneath it all, but the path to uncovering all the pain and hurt is one that we randomly head towards, and one that has no set time frame as to when things will become normal again.

This is the very reason why love needs to be viewed for what it is, a privilege, an opportunity to feel something that will fulfill you in ways that nothing else can. You have to handle it right, otherwise you risk the possibility of losing it forever.

Quest of Self Loathing

A Quest of Self Loathing

For beginners, I’ve been swamped with some personal projects, sorry for falling off the map. For a little while I’m going to be moving old content onto here and trying to develop more options for readership. I’m not going to be able to edit them as closely as I would like to.

I am going to make efforts toward the direction I’m going with this site very soon. I just haven’t been able to give it the time that I would have liked to lately. Without further ado: A Quest of Self Loathing

Have you ever had that feeling where you just can’t stand who you are? Of course you have; in one form or another, it’s human nature. Whether it’s the way you look, a decision that you made that you didn’t think through enough, we have all been there.

So, why am I writing about it? I guess it’s because while it seems easy enough to call human nature, it’s a human nature we tend to ignore. Instead, it’s as though we punish ourselves for it. Whether we go out and make a ton of bad decisions, lock ourselves behind doors and binge on whatever “poison” gets us through the day, or a number of different things, over time it begins to take a toll.

Again, why am I writing about this? I guess it’s because the feeling has become something so “natural” that it needs to be pointed out that it’s something as an individual CAN in fact be countered.

I ran away from life for months, I ignored key problems in my life and let them gradually bury me in an emotional coma. I then numbed myself and tried to hide from my problems. While I could sit here and blame many things the person to TRULY blame is myself.

I gained weight, hated everything I saw in the mirror, and simply became the very core of depression. One day all of that finally changed and I said enough was enough. I can sit here and continue to be disgusted with myself or I can start building toward a change.

I decided to make a change.

Since that very day I’ve strived to a better me every single day. There is no instant gratification. I’m not going to go out and jog for 10 minutes and suddenly have a 6 pack, nope, I’m going to have to work and beat out every bit of weakness I allowed into me. The point to this is this: when it comes to being harsh on self-judgment I am the king of setting standards against myself. If I can do it, anyone can do it.

If you aren’t happy with yourself take the time to make the change. If you feel embarrassed because of how people may see you struggling to make the change, screw them, they don’t matter. Starting out (again) I’d run up the street and be winded. Since the time I’ve started and now I’ve tripled that distance and still am building day by day.

Don’t let the eyes of the public hinder your own personal quest for change. The only person that can solidify being beaten is you. When you quit the game is over, as long as you remind yourself that you can be a little bit better every day then you are still building toward a better you.

I am still disgusted when I look at myself, but even then, there is the reminder “I am doing something about it.”

When depression gets a leash on you it’s incredibly difficult to break free from, but it isn’t impossible. Some days will in fact feel like complete and total hell, but even then you have to remind yourself that it’s a state of mind, and a state of mind can change from embracing something you enjoy; whether it be a book, a video game, or a simple cup of coffee.

Lastly, we have to live in a way that is set by our own personal standards. The more we concern ourselves with how others feel we should be, the more we lose ourselves and the personal identity that makes us strong as individuals. Each of us has a set of standards, a set of likes and dislikes, and the closer we keep ourselves to the things that make us special and unique, is the more likely that we will be to find true happiness.

I’m probably the most pessimistic, negative person I know. Murphy’s law applies to everything in my life; the theory of “what can go wrong will go wrong.” Even with this in mind though I am forcing myself to be aware of the fact that the only time things are truly beyond control are when you YOURSELF decide to quit.

I’ve been building myself to say everyday… fuck quitting, take life by the throat and build yourself into being something you can be proud of again. Don’t just hear it from me though…apply it to yourself…regardless of who you are or your own personal challenges, the same theory can apply.

Here is to living with a clearer mind.

A Quest for Change

How many of us are 100% the person we want to be? The answer to this question is very few. That’s not to say that many of us aren’t content with ourselves, but it is to say that an option of change wouldn’t go unnoticed. This very reason creates a routine that we follow, a quest for change, in hopes to become something better.

What is a healthy way to apply change? What approach grants the room to grow as opposed to constrain? The answer to this is universal: baby steps.

There is never a reason to rush adjusting ourselves, and change is something that can’t be forced. It takes time. Change is something that develops from consistency, it doesn’t offer instant gratification.

A quest for changeImage from: http://www.loverofdarkness.net/pictures/picture/216

You have to take time to appreciate the person you are in order to take those steps toward being someone or something else. A lot of us fall into bad patterns and eventually turn into hating who we become, hate away. Hate is still a form of appreciation. It pushes until there is an internal pulse that says “hey, this sucks, lets do something about it.”

There is not a single point where we can’t change. Other people may label you, or may be convinced that you are a certain way, but that doesn’t hold a time stamp of forever. No matter what though, when you make an effort to change who you are, you are doing it for yourself, not the satisfaction of others.

A large obstacle of change is logic. If someone is going to change something about themselves it has to make sense.

Back to the baby steps concept and there being no instant gratification. Change relies on consistency. Until change is part of normal routine and instinct then you really haven’t reaped the benefits it has to offer, which offers an important point. You can’t force change to be permanent, it has to happen become instinctual from consistency. Good things never come easy.

Another reason this “forced change,” is a bad approach is because if we get lost chasing the person we want to be, we leave the person we are extremely vulnerable. Any rush while trying to adjust who we are will simply leads to a bad outcome. It’s like anything in life, you have to take it in small doses to truly understand it.

Think of it this way, have you ever known someone who claimed “I need to start doing this,” or “I take this too serious and it’s bad for me,” and then lo and behold you witness a looney toon persona. For about a week they become this alien from what you normally know of them, but then it dies out. They completely give up on being something else and go back to being who they were.

Change needs to be approached the right way.

Change is something anyone can achieve. Life can be discouraging; the people we become can be shameful, friends can be unreliable, moments can be heartbreaking, but things falling beyond control is a personal choice. It’s only when we choose to quit that the game is finally over.

Live life in a way to build yourself into something you’re proud of. Set realistic expectations around and never quit. Take on challenges you should probably fail, but take notice, the largest lessons come from failures. Believe in yourself when no one else wants to. I’m the very definition of a pessimist, but even I can atone to this fact:

The only person who can quit on you, is yourself. As mentioned this post could be complete and total babble, but, if it inspires in the slightest bit, or even grants the chance for a smile, mission accomplished.

If you’d like another dose of something inspirational click here.