What Falling in Love Means to a Man

What Falling in Love Means to a Man

falling in love

This is an older post of mine, one that I have no intention of editing, but I will post it as an as-is kind of thing. It’s about love, and what love means from the male perspective. This is what falling in love means to a man.

What Falling in Love Means to a Man

Love is one of those things that falls under such heavy analysis that everyone has a different definition for it, yet nobody understands it. Women have a definition, men have a definition, both sides are equally wrong, yet both has concepts that can be agreed upon, such as, love drives us all to a stage of crazy. It breaks us out of a comfort zone and places emotions and feelings in the hands of another, and lets face it, there is no scarier feeling then the idea of someone else having control over what we feel.

There is a reason that most relationships don’t work out, the fear gets the best of us, boundaries are set that are borderline impossible to respect, or one side is simply more juvenile than the other. Whatever the case may be, love is a pain in the ass, yet something that we all search so hard to feel.

A lot of men get criticized for not ‘loving’ enough, or not ‘caring’ enough, and that is the confusing piece of emotion I am going to attempt to explain. The factors of what it means to a man to fall in love.

The Myth of Being ‘Over-Protective’

We have all heard about the guy that is deemed over-protective, hell, I’m one of them. I am a piece of the myth, but the fact is, we are over-protective because we give a shit. You hear the stories about the girl who goes “My man lets me do anything I want, we both have our own separate lives, and then we have each other”

BEEP BEEP BEEP

Immediately what you can take from this is that the guy does not give a shit, want to know why? When a guy loves a girl he wants to share days, he wants to share time, and in one way or another compromise is developed that lead you both to have your separate interests and hobbies, but separate lives is a different thing all together.

A man is meant to be protective, think about the dog mentality, loyalty and protective. If a man cares about a woman the one thing that you can give us credit for is the fact that we will rip the head off of anything that threatens her. Whether the woman is in the right or wrong of a given moment, that very moment the man will defend her and challenge anyone who says otherwise. You know a man loves you when he is willing to stick his neck out for you regardless of the cause. If he lets you fight your own battles and wants nothing to do with your drama, you don’t mean a damn thing to him.

The Possessive Theory

Men get deemed possessive when they begin to explain boundaries, and this is another concept that gets on my nerves. When two people get to know one another it is normally a pretty quick trip to find the pet peeves and the things one another won’t stand for. When you fast-forward a year into a relationship it isn’t going to magically change, but often times one side or the other is supposed to be ‘accepting’ to change. I don’t agree.

When a man puts full claims to what he doesn’t like, people he doesn’t like, and things that he doesn’t want you to be out and about doing, it is because WE CARE. Don’t believe me? Push the board enough times, experience enough fights about particular topics, and watch when we suddenly don’t give a damn about what you do with your social outings. The second we stop giving a damn it’s because we’ve given up on trying to encourage you to care about the balance of feelings in the relationship, and are essentially preparing ourselves and protecting our heart.

The Close Guy Friend

Men don’t like guys that make a point of being a close friend to our women. Now, if we were all in the same social circle and knew each other all along, that is one thing, and even that comes with its set of hesitancy and potential for disaster, but in the event it is someone who is met somewhere along the way, that is a breach of comfort of another level entirely.

We don’t trust the guy friend, the guy friend almost never has genuine intentions in mind. Sure, there are guys that can be friends and have that close friendship interest and nothing more, but it is rare. If the girl is attractive and the guy is her friend and he is given the opportunity to try and make it something more, chances are he will. Guys have an internal radar about us, and we can also see through the glamour of ‘Mr. nice guy’ and see in his place, captain douche bag.

It is often claimed as jealousy, when in fact we are simply protecting what we claim as ours. Before that is labeled as ‘possessive’ and debated as “no one belongs to anyone”, when a guy gives a girl his heart, he is owning that he belongs to her in a level of affection, romance, and care. It is a mutual agreement. Before you get all ‘self-empowerment’ on me, shut up, you know what I mean, I’m simply stating what most people fear admitting.

The Odd Nights Out

As mentioned in another post by me, the reasons a man doesn’t like his woman going out without him, it all rings true. Men don’t like their women going out without them because its simply an invitation to problem. When you commit and you truly take the step to the boundaries of love, with it come certain expectations and sacrifices. One of these things is the late nights out alone shouldn’t really be an option.

Before you rant and rave, if it matters, don’t claim love. Claim you are together, that you have fun, but love hasn’t come into the picture yet. So many people throw the word love around but don’t have a damn clue what it means. Love is sacrifice, plain and simple. Falling in love is the ultimate vulnerability. Falling in love means that you are making yourself available to get hurt, and no one likes to get hurt.

When Love is Broken

When a man falls in love he takes the tough bravado of himself and opens a new door to himself, one that he only lets particular people into. It’s a step of ultimate vulnerability, but falling in love is exactly that: vulnerability.

When the love between a man and woman gets abused, it can rarely be repaired. I’m speaking from the viewpoint of a man, a woman’s would be different, but for men, getting over hurt is an entirely different battle that many of us never truly achieve.

Think about a dog that you have at home that is loyal and loving and you scold it for things that it didn’t do. You see confusion in its eyes, you see uncertainty, but still underneath it all there is that loyalty that hangs strong and doesn’t fall away.

To a man the very same can be said about trust, if we love you we will be loyal, we will take on the world before letting you feel discomfort and pain, but the moment that love and loyalty is abused and ignored we become broken men. That level of trust and care may still be there underneath it all, but the path to uncovering all the pain and hurt is one that we randomly head towards, and one that has no set time frame as to when things will become normal again.

This is the very reason why love needs to be viewed for what it is, a privilege, an opportunity to feel something that will fulfill you in ways that nothing else can. You have to handle it right, otherwise you risk the possibility of losing it forever.

A Quest for Change

How many of us are 100% the person we want to be? The answer to this question is very few. That’s not to say that many of us aren’t content with ourselves, but it is to say that an option of change wouldn’t go unnoticed. This very reason creates a routine that we follow, a quest for change, in hopes to become something better.

What is a healthy way to apply change? What approach grants the room to grow as opposed to constrain? The answer to this is universal: baby steps.

There is never a reason to rush adjusting ourselves, and change is something that can’t be forced. It takes time. Change is something that develops from consistency, it doesn’t offer instant gratification.

A quest for changeImage from: http://www.loverofdarkness.net/pictures/picture/216

You have to take time to appreciate the person you are in order to take those steps toward being someone or something else. A lot of us fall into bad patterns and eventually turn into hating who we become, hate away. Hate is still a form of appreciation. It pushes until there is an internal pulse that says “hey, this sucks, lets do something about it.”

There is not a single point where we can’t change. Other people may label you, or may be convinced that you are a certain way, but that doesn’t hold a time stamp of forever. No matter what though, when you make an effort to change who you are, you are doing it for yourself, not the satisfaction of others.

A large obstacle of change is logic. If someone is going to change something about themselves it has to make sense.

Back to the baby steps concept and there being no instant gratification. Change relies on consistency. Until change is part of normal routine and instinct then you really haven’t reaped the benefits it has to offer, which offers an important point. You can’t force change to be permanent, it has to happen become instinctual from consistency. Good things never come easy.

Another reason this “forced change,” is a bad approach is because if we get lost chasing the person we want to be, we leave the person we are extremely vulnerable. Any rush while trying to adjust who we are will simply leads to a bad outcome. It’s like anything in life, you have to take it in small doses to truly understand it.

Think of it this way, have you ever known someone who claimed “I need to start doing this,” or “I take this too serious and it’s bad for me,” and then lo and behold you witness a looney toon persona. For about a week they become this alien from what you normally know of them, but then it dies out. They completely give up on being something else and go back to being who they were.

Change needs to be approached the right way.

Change is something anyone can achieve. Life can be discouraging; the people we become can be shameful, friends can be unreliable, moments can be heartbreaking, but things falling beyond control is a personal choice. It’s only when we choose to quit that the game is finally over.

Live life in a way to build yourself into something you’re proud of. Set realistic expectations around and never quit. Take on challenges you should probably fail, but take notice, the largest lessons come from failures. Believe in yourself when no one else wants to. I’m the very definition of a pessimist, but even I can atone to this fact:

The only person who can quit on you, is yourself. As mentioned this post could be complete and total babble, but, if it inspires in the slightest bit, or even grants the chance for a smile, mission accomplished.

If you’d like another dose of something inspirational click here.

It’s Our Nature to Believe

It’s our nature to face off with several things in a lifetime. As much as we don’t like the negative experiences, there is no debating that they act as a positive force of the future. Without the negative we wouldn’t be able to define the things that we love and center our live’s around. This concept is what this poem is about.

it's our nature to believe
Image from: http://fineartamerica.com/featured/balance-of-energy-deidre-harris.html

It’s our nature to be condemned
Our nature to lose our voice
And forget about who we are

It’s our nature to pretend
Our nature to wear masks
When people are so unaccepting

It’s our nature to resist
Our nature to casts words
With actions to create a voice

It’s our nature to lose our way
Our nature to get lost
Yet find our way in the end

We speak in riddles
Emotions trap us
Fear confines us
Insecurity is our splinter

Yet in the darkest time

We believe in ourselves
Believe we can break
The overthrow of conflict

We believe enough to stand
Believe that standing tall
Sends a message of survival

We believe in holding on
Believe in casting a grip
A quest to see things to their end
We survive in being broken

Stitching our wounds
Mending our thoughts
Breathing gains with losses
An exchange defining balance

It’s our nature to press forward
We believe with each step
We can cast change with hopeful wish
And things can heal and become something more

If you enjoyed this poem you may also like Binding at Midnight which offers a similar message and can be found by clicking here.

4 Differences in How Men and Women Think

How men and women think are two very different worlds. I’ll say here what I will say at the end, there isn’t a definition of right or wrong between the two, just the angle of difference.

We live in a society where labels are a common thing. For this reason I decided to go on a mission of analysis regarding the male and female psyche. This is a piece of opinion so I ask that you read it as such. It’s all meant in good fun pointing out how men and women think.

how men and women think

It is my opinion that men and women think in a way that is almost polar opposite. That may be an extreme way to explain it, but I will elaborate that point further in this post.

A general consensus between male and female roles and titles is this: Men can be labeled assholes. There is no use trying to defend that one, sometimes you just need to accept things for what they are. This helps further define us in the fact that we tend to be predictable.

Women on the other hand hold a different kind of label which, as you can probably guess, is the instinctual role of being unpredictable. This is why it’s much easier to call the lot of you crazy. As mentioned above, sometimes you have to simply accept things for what they are.

Think of it this way: If you were to ask a man’s friend how they would probably react toward a given situation it can be cliff-noted path toward two possible answers:

“He would probably get pissed off”

“He probably wouldn’t give a shit”

Beyond those statements there is a blank void because we like to keep things simple. We like this so much that we have taken efforts toward being predictable. Emotions are a confusing thing and I believe there was a time we tried to make sense of them…and it was at that moment that the world could define what a mentally challenged person was. Yes, our brains, like fine china, are fragile.

Now we can point out the first major difference in how men and women think:

Women as a whole tend to be quite unpredictable. When you consider how a woman might react to a given situation trying to accurately map it out has a success ratio identical to how often Hillary Clinton tells the truth. All right, I won’t get political, but it was a very accurate way of describing that point.

how men and women think

Women have a variety of factors that could impact the way they respond. It could be the weight of current emotional baggage, man’s best friend also known as hormones, and who knows what else. Once all that is considered then you can get to how they may react if that all passed with flying colors.

For those that haven’t comprehended this point yet, the male side of the spectrum here versus the female side, from a visual representation, could be a caveman being compared to a scientific equation. Numbers defining actions and god knows what else versus the male side, which is the equivalent of two different grunts.

A majority of men become fixated on negative things. These negative things then become a splinter, a feeling like a stick poking a bear would create. It’s safe to safe that are coping skills are limited.

As for women, they are able to mentally block out negative things and just become entranced in the positive. If witchcraft needed a viable argument, I may have found it one, but on a serious note, this is one hell of a magic trick. To this day I don’t know how to do it.

An Example of Differences of Thought Could be Driving

How men and women think and how they act are two entirely different monsters, but it’s definitely worth thinking about. If you were to put a man and a woman on opposite sides of a stop sign who do you think would go first?

Before there is an impulsive jump to say the immature high school kid who likes to race daddy’s car, slow down. He crashed yesterday. The fact is that a man will wait forever for the woman to go first. This is not an act of chivalry, in fact, this is an act of survival. It’s not our fault that we have to ask ourselves “what if she changes her mind?” We may be cavemen, but our memory is powerful.

Women are famous for changing their mind. The routine journey of seeking out happiness and satisfaction  for a woman operates off of a roulette wheel. It constantly changes. It can be argued that it’s not ALL women, but a good enough number that it gets recognized. We all know someone that we’ve personally diagnosed with dementia, and yes, I’m referring to the person who has a different set of “needs” on a weekly rotation.

Waiting for a man to change their mind could be the most frustrating journey in a woman’s lifetime. When a man makes up their mind, it’s set. We identify things that make us happy, bookmark them in our mind, and that’s that. Navigation away from this found knowledge we simply view as stupid.

Men Hate Change, Women Find it Exciting

How men and woman think toward the concept of change is also very different. As mentioned above, men get set in their ways. We develop a schedule and we stick to it. A proposal that offers significant change may get the reaction of a nodded head, but internally there is a voice that is screaming the word “why.”

Men like simplicity. The more cut and dry things are the better. Change goes against our very nature. The only exception is significant issues that need to be addressed.

Women on the other hand find change to be exciting. They view it as an opportunity to try new things, learn, and test out the magic of life’s many mysteries. While women quest for experience men enroll in a similar journey, to unveil our own mysteries, except our version is a round of Overwatch and finding new ways to flank the enemy team.

Men are Negative and Brutally Honest, Women are Positive but Dreamy

We are back to general feelings of how men and women think. Male and female outlooks on the world are almost entirely different. Lets take a simple angle, the casual question of “How are things going,” it should be a simple answer, right? Well, lets explain how this can be complicated.

A woman’s life could be in complete and total chaos and it’s likely they will respond with:
“Things are great,” or “Things are okay,” but you will rarely, if ever, hear a woman admit their day is going bad. Woman prefer to save up the energy and just have a crazy freak out in the near future. I don’t understand it, but we all see that it happens.

Men on the other hand tend to be a bit more up front. We can promise our dedicated honesty whether things are going well or not. We even put it on display with colorful response’s like:
“Life is shit,” or something that would indicate we may be seeking ways to poison our mind. Interpret that as you wish, each person has their own form of poison.

Men are blunt with the possibility of being obnoxious, and women are quiet with the possibility of being confusing. .It’s a happy mix that helps divide the way men and women think. Back to the point though, when it comes to spitting out negative shit about one’s life,  men have made it something of an art form.

The Idea of Advice

Through the process of time we are given a gift of common sense. In this common sense comes an awareness for emotional stability, being supportive, and the act of giving advice. Advice is something that has good intent and involves logic that leads to reason.

The problem here is that women like to defy both logic and reason, which leads us to our next point: How men and women think about the idea of advice.

Men are known to sometimes be negative. Under the guise of genuine faith we have an instinct of knowing when something is a lost cause. We accept how some things are beyond our control.

Women can be a little wishy-washy. Think about a time when a woman seeks advice and how it unfolds: It could be for personal reassurance, or genuinely needing a place to start during a tough time, either way, men normally offer the  colorful solutions of saying: “That sucks.” Those two words are our way of saying “It’s a lost cause.”

The impact of these words is magical. It creates a look on the face that is best described as though a dirty towel was dropped on another’s favorite meal. The reaction is almost immediate and has phrases attached to it like:

“Where is the sensitivity,” or “That’s all you have to say?” As mentioned above, yes, that is all we have to say.

Sometimes we will add in “As time passes it will get better,” but that is about as deep as many of us will go.

Men understand that advice, from our perspective, is simply having someone there to listen. It isn’t about finding answers, it’s about having someone that can simply hear us complain. While everyone at one time or another is guilty of dwelling on things, we all know that’s a path to nowhere.

Conclusion

Men and women think from two entirely separate points of view and that’s okay. Sometimes we make the mistake of thinking it would be better if we simply thought the same, but it really wouldn’t. This divide on how life is approached, considered, and acted on is what creates personalities. It also creates the opportunity to appreciate being ourselves.

These key differences between how men and women think also define the idea of dependency. In the differences between men and women we find the reasons people truly connect. It’s a discovery that our greatest connections aren’t built from similarity, but from differences that captured our interest and acted like a magnet.

Being different is a a valuable thing and it’s a good thing we all are.

Binding at Midnight

A Binding at Midnight

Binding at Midnight is a poem that is about life and the inevitable battle of trial and error. In life we experience hardship, but it’s these difficult times that allow us to define the moments that we label as special and memorable. Balance is the best way to live, it keeps us honest and appreciative of the little things.

“Binding at Midnight”

The suns rays drift away
The bright of light begins to sway
Midnight’s wings cast gentle strings
To twist obscurities; uncommon things

It’s the shade of the leaf; a brisk to the air
The calm of the wind that brushes your hair
It’s the path of familiar; the shortcuts we find
All a part of the painting, a thing we call time

It’s the love that we feel; and the loss that we dwell
The smiles we cherish; and the cries bound to hell
It’s the ribbon we tie to the strings of our heart
The twist with the romance; the end and new starts

It’s the trip on the stones along the way;
The lessons taught with the passing of day
It’s the cut that will heal; the scar that will stain
The pain we remember; and the hopes that became

It’s the tarnish of bad; and the shining of sweet
It’s the steps in our time; The fortunes we meet
The control that we have; the acceptance beyond
The pool of ideas; and the quest for the fond

We swim and we struggle; we drown and we strain
We love and we hate; and mix beauty with pain
Yet we all live with two feet, and dream with two eyes
A hope we strive toward that’s a compound of ties

Values and ethics, and all that’s between
The image we paint, and what we allow to be seen
Each day is a stroke, a mark against times
It’s the rise of the dawn; and the midnight that binds

And bound in between, it’s our souls that we find.