Reborn

 

Thanks for showing me there is a light inside all of this darkness. You brought someone back that is so unfamiliar…yet it’s without question who I am at my core.

Kelly, thank you. You are my heart.

reborn

The chord of my heart

A heart reborn thirsts for more

You have stolen mine

I place it with you

This song, something forever

I am forever yours

Eyes locked together

Body language saying all

We are meant to be

It’s just you and me

And what we want to occur

Ready to live again

What Falling in Love Means to a Man

What Falling in Love Means to a Man

falling in love

This is an older post of mine, one that I have no intention of editing, but I will post it as an as-is kind of thing. It’s about love, and what love means from the male perspective. This is what falling in love means to a man.

What Falling in Love Means to a Man

Love is one of those things that falls under such heavy analysis that everyone has a different definition for it, yet nobody understands it. Women have a definition, men have a definition, both sides are equally wrong, yet both has concepts that can be agreed upon, such as, love drives us all to a stage of crazy. It breaks us out of a comfort zone and places emotions and feelings in the hands of another, and lets face it, there is no scarier feeling then the idea of someone else having control over what we feel.

There is a reason that most relationships don’t work out, the fear gets the best of us, boundaries are set that are borderline impossible to respect, or one side is simply more juvenile than the other. Whatever the case may be, love is a pain in the ass, yet something that we all search so hard to feel.

A lot of men get criticized for not ‘loving’ enough, or not ‘caring’ enough, and that is the confusing piece of emotion I am going to attempt to explain. The factors of what it means to a man to fall in love.

The Myth of Being ‘Over-Protective’

We have all heard about the guy that is deemed over-protective, hell, I’m one of them. I am a piece of the myth, but the fact is, we are over-protective because we give a shit. You hear the stories about the girl who goes “My man lets me do anything I want, we both have our own separate lives, and then we have each other”

BEEP BEEP BEEP

Immediately what you can take from this is that the guy does not give a shit, want to know why? When a guy loves a girl he wants to share days, he wants to share time, and in one way or another compromise is developed that lead you both to have your separate interests and hobbies, but separate lives is a different thing all together.

A man is meant to be protective, think about the dog mentality, loyalty and protective. If a man cares about a woman the one thing that you can give us credit for is the fact that we will rip the head off of anything that threatens her. Whether the woman is in the right or wrong of a given moment, that very moment the man will defend her and challenge anyone who says otherwise. You know a man loves you when he is willing to stick his neck out for you regardless of the cause. If he lets you fight your own battles and wants nothing to do with your drama, you don’t mean a damn thing to him.

The Possessive Theory

Men get deemed possessive when they begin to explain boundaries, and this is another concept that gets on my nerves. When two people get to know one another it is normally a pretty quick trip to find the pet peeves and the things one another won’t stand for. When you fast-forward a year into a relationship it isn’t going to magically change, but often times one side or the other is supposed to be ‘accepting’ to change. I don’t agree.

When a man puts full claims to what he doesn’t like, people he doesn’t like, and things that he doesn’t want you to be out and about doing, it is because WE CARE. Don’t believe me? Push the board enough times, experience enough fights about particular topics, and watch when we suddenly don’t give a damn about what you do with your social outings. The second we stop giving a damn it’s because we’ve given up on trying to encourage you to care about the balance of feelings in the relationship, and are essentially preparing ourselves and protecting our heart.

The Close Guy Friend

Men don’t like guys that make a point of being a close friend to our women. Now, if we were all in the same social circle and knew each other all along, that is one thing, and even that comes with its set of hesitancy and potential for disaster, but in the event it is someone who is met somewhere along the way, that is a breach of comfort of another level entirely.

We don’t trust the guy friend, the guy friend almost never has genuine intentions in mind. Sure, there are guys that can be friends and have that close friendship interest and nothing more, but it is rare. If the girl is attractive and the guy is her friend and he is given the opportunity to try and make it something more, chances are he will. Guys have an internal radar about us, and we can also see through the glamour of ‘Mr. nice guy’ and see in his place, captain douche bag.

It is often claimed as jealousy, when in fact we are simply protecting what we claim as ours. Before that is labeled as ‘possessive’ and debated as “no one belongs to anyone”, when a guy gives a girl his heart, he is owning that he belongs to her in a level of affection, romance, and care. It is a mutual agreement. Before you get all ‘self-empowerment’ on me, shut up, you know what I mean, I’m simply stating what most people fear admitting.

The Odd Nights Out

As mentioned in another post by me, the reasons a man doesn’t like his woman going out without him, it all rings true. Men don’t like their women going out without them because its simply an invitation to problem. When you commit and you truly take the step to the boundaries of love, with it come certain expectations and sacrifices. One of these things is the late nights out alone shouldn’t really be an option.

Before you rant and rave, if it matters, don’t claim love. Claim you are together, that you have fun, but love hasn’t come into the picture yet. So many people throw the word love around but don’t have a damn clue what it means. Love is sacrifice, plain and simple. Falling in love is the ultimate vulnerability. Falling in love means that you are making yourself available to get hurt, and no one likes to get hurt.

When Love is Broken

When a man falls in love he takes the tough bravado of himself and opens a new door to himself, one that he only lets particular people into. It’s a step of ultimate vulnerability, but falling in love is exactly that: vulnerability.

When the love between a man and woman gets abused, it can rarely be repaired. I’m speaking from the viewpoint of a man, a woman’s would be different, but for men, getting over hurt is an entirely different battle that many of us never truly achieve.

Think about a dog that you have at home that is loyal and loving and you scold it for things that it didn’t do. You see confusion in its eyes, you see uncertainty, but still underneath it all there is that loyalty that hangs strong and doesn’t fall away.

To a man the very same can be said about trust, if we love you we will be loyal, we will take on the world before letting you feel discomfort and pain, but the moment that love and loyalty is abused and ignored we become broken men. That level of trust and care may still be there underneath it all, but the path to uncovering all the pain and hurt is one that we randomly head towards, and one that has no set time frame as to when things will become normal again.

This is the very reason why love needs to be viewed for what it is, a privilege, an opportunity to feel something that will fulfill you in ways that nothing else can. You have to handle it right, otherwise you risk the possibility of losing it forever.

Journey Narration

journey

Journey

This is the first piece of audio narration I’m throwing up online. I have a long way to go, learning Adobe Audition effects/edit techniques is a challenge. A friend has said I need to edit the amount of times I reference the location for this story, and I agree 🙂

But for right now, it’s a place to start and a step toward something new. Audio file below:

 

 

Poison

poison

Poison

I can feel the anger
It seethes inside my bones
It fixates my interest
When I am all alone

I can feel tension
It spreads across my skin
Tasting life’s impurities
Originating sin

A grin begins to surface
It spreads across my face
As my eyes mislead lies
Will you have a taste?

I will take your interest
And poison with a sound
As words shadow hope
Care’s left here broken

Alone, and bound.

Image from: http://psion005.deviantart.com/art/This-Poisoned-Heart-Of-Mine-108813005

Voice

voice

Voice

Inside’s a coat of hate
A list of broken fate
Cast out from my eyes
Across a dreamy slate

Steps slow and cold
Cares that slowly fold
Inside each desire
A shadow there to hold

I’m broken in the mirror
Thoughts becoming clear

Tears can tell a tale
Hopes hanging by a nail
Lost in this abyss
Needs are turning stale

I need a way to stand
Pain has stained my hands
Never looking back
It’s one step without a plan

A crack inside the wall
The cover to my fall
This moment casts a gloom
Stumbling, I crawl

A shade inside the seam
A ghost becomes a fiend
Looking through the mess
Echoes by a final scream

A scream that echoes silent
Something everyone can hear

Image from: http://www.cinemablend.com/games/Here-What-Overwatch-Heroes-Would-Look-Like-Dark-Souls-Bosses-140517.html

Masterpiece

Masterpiece

masterpiece

Pulse left dripping
Eyes are bare
Reaching out
Yet, finding air

Drained of life
A poisoned soul
Clouds of thought
With no control

Despair’s hand
Clenching tight
Breaking dreams
Creating night

Scars that stain
That take a name
Engraving you
Spreading pain

You will be my story
My crafted masterpiece

Image from: https://www.pinterest.com/source/chrisozfulton.deviantart.com/

Buried Beneath Today

Buried Beneath Today

buried beneath today

Bound, I’m incomplete
Hope is at my feet
Eyes a tear of time
Hungry for some sleep

Inside’s a throb of pain
Life isn’t the same
Every passing moment
I sign off with my name

Time is bare of thought
Endless pain, I caught
Every breath I take
Laced by times forgot

Words a splinter’s point
Reaching for a way
As my hope is torn
Buried beneath today

Image originally from here

As Love and Hate Collide

As Love and Hate Collide

A shard inside my heart
Snared, it breaks apart
Try to sew the wounds
Pain prevents a start

I try to find my breath
Finding nothing left
As I close my eyes
Feeling for my chest

A beat that’s underneath
Strangled, incomplete
Reaching for a home
Starving with a need

Stories carved inside
Pain that i hide
I watch the world spin
As love and hate collide

The World I Once Knew

The World I Once Knew

world i once knew

The World I Once Knew is a poem about how we grow and eventually look back and wonder, how has the world changed? This is another written back in 2014, bringing all poetry back to life.

The wind chimes of the night
Played a melody inside
Caressing all the broken hopes
That lost their breath in stride
I tried to keep the demons in
They traced along my skin
With every scar, a lace of time
That celebrated sin

The pain inside became invoked
Each second wearing thin
The ticks of time became a mesh
Of light that slowly dimmed

Breathless and left incomplete
My heart chained to the floor
I’d push to last another day
But I can’t take much more

I’ve whispered prayer to myself
I’ve told the biggest lie
As my heart began to fade
I watched it slowly die

When it lost its core of need
Wound surfaced on the skin
And as I watched it slowly bleed
I watched the world spin

In the moment of last grasp
Left beaten, black, and blue
I watched the world slowly fade
The world I once knew

Past Tense

Past Tense

past tense

Past Tense is a poem that I wrote back in 2014. I’m going to leave it as is, I’ve grown as a writer since then, but for the sake of originality, as-is.

These breaths are lifeless
These eyes are damned
Don’t have the strength,
Or will to stand

Fault lines my mind
A mix of time
With all the answers
I couldn’t find

Stretched with the need to find tomorrow

With chains that drag on broken ground
A voice that’s void of human sound
Look yourself dead in the eye
Fight when life’s a withered sigh

Each day begins with a doubt
What can we live with, and without

Face the demons deep inside
A smile of mischief
And pain to hide
Grip them up, wish them well
And send them packing, back to hell

A soul that’s broken with a hole
Heals with the strings of self-control

Swallow grief, bend with will
Never give up on tomorrow
As hopes are thin, pain is full
All thoughts are bathed in sorrow

It’s the need to see
The sense for more
Admission that inside is sore

It’s the moment you choose to live again
That everything else becomes the past